10/28/11
Minnesota.
I was born in Northern Minnesota, and if you paid attention in 3rd grade you know that Minnesota is the "Land of 10,000 Lakes". If you paid really close attention you might even know that the word Minnesota comes from the Dakota word meaning "Sky-tinted water". Because of the insane lake presence in the territory I was exposed to lots of water sports at a young age. Activities ranging from swimming and water skiing to fishing. Fishing... whether it was July or January. The fine people of Minnesota have never been known to let a thick layer of ice stop them from fishing, they just throw the auger in the back of the truck, drive out on the ice and drill a hole, then slap a shack on top of it and get their lines wet. Being exposed to the wilderness at such a young age gave me a great appreciation for the outdoors that has stuck with me until now. Unfortunately my family was forced to move away from the state in search of a better financial future for my family. Don't get me wrong... North Carolina has some good lakes, but they're a lot less common than they were "back home" - if I can still call it that after being gone for well over two thirds of my life. So anyways, I started thinking about how lame it was that forty million tons of raw sewage seeped into my local lake last year, and how I missed the clean wilderness lakes from my childhood.
9/27/11
Why Cheat?
Cheating in a relationship is one concept that I just cannot seem to grasp. I don't understand how a person can pretend to care for someone and then go behind their back and screw around. Now, I suppose I should define "cheating" before I get to far into this, but as far as I'm concerned "cheating" is the participating in any activity that you wouldn't want your significant other to know about. This means that different relationships have different boundaries and while something may be cheating for one couple, it may not be for others. This is how you end up with swinger couples, or you have a person in a relationship that's a hugger and gets by with it because their partner doesn't think it's wrong to do so. The reason I have difficulty grasping the logic behind cheating on someone is that we each define the rules of our relationships, and if we're in a relationship we obviously care for the person we're with. If we didn't care for our partner we wouldn't be with them, right?
Apparently my logic goes above the heads of many people, and until recently I thought that infidelity was exclusive to youth. Working with older businessmen I found that many of them are quite open about their adulterous ways. It turns out that older people cheat just as much as younger people. I was told by a man that was once caught by his wife and nearly ruined his marriage that "having a mistress is far more trouble than it's worth". The reason it's more trouble than it's worth is that you're giving people a way to blackmail you when you cheat. People know that you're being unfaithful and they can hold that against you to get what they want. It could be a friend of yours, or a friend of one of your partners, or even the person you're cheating with that uses your flub as leverage to get something out of you. In the end you find yourself supporting two or more people financially, emotionally, or both, when you could be dedicating those resources to a single person.
There are several situations that are popular causes for adulterous activity.
-Having a partner leave you to enlist in the military may cause the person left behind to feel abandoned and therefor seek comfort. On the other hand, the miles between the new soldier and their significant other may provide them with a sense of freedom and invincibility. They may think that because they're so far from their partner there's no way that they could be caught cheating.
-Another possibility is that one member of the relationship might be a business person that travels frequently. This opens up the door to have several partners in different, frequently visited cities. If a businessman is visiting the same city once a month for several days at a time they may develop a new relationship in the area so that they don't have to give up on companionship while on the road.
-College is another situation that may lead to cheating. One member of the relationship may not make it into the same school, or they may not even try to get into the same school, but either way it puts distance between the two. Again, this distance creates a security blanket that may make one feel as though they can safely cheat.
-My final example is one that applies to pretty much anyone that's old enough to cheat in the most serious ways. The party scene. Parties are social events that encourage conversation, and when alcohol is involved people's inhibitions go out the window and things can get out of hand very quickly. Parties are not safe places for people that are trying to nurture a long term relationship as they often lead to unnecessary drama that puts a strain on even the strongest of relationships. If you MUST party while committed to a relationship it would be in your best interest to party with your partner present to reduce the chances of a screw up.
These are just a few of the situations that I frequently come across while lurking social media sites. There are many more ways, and reasons that it could happen. No matter what the reasoning behind the act it's still wrong. Often times the cheating leads to reciprocation because the victim feels the need to show the other what it's like. This is no way to go about mending a relationship. If you're going to forgive your partner because you truly think that they can change and never repeat their mistakes then you have to actually forgive them and move on with the relationship. If you can't forgive them for what they've done then don't waste any more of your time on the person. If you think you'll be able to forgive them after some time apart, then so be it, but constantly butting heads over it isn't going to undo what happened.
Keep in mind though, that if someone is willing to cheat on you once then they'll more than likely be willing to do it again, and if they'll cheat on someone else that they "love" with you, then they'll be willing to cheat on you too. Once a person has proven that they have it in them to commit adultery there's no way that you can be sure that they wont do it again. Be confident in yourself, and do what's right for you.
Again, I really don't see the point of cheating. It seems to me that if you no longer want to be in a committed relationship with someone that it's as simple as breaking up with them. Once you're single you're free to hug, kiss, make out with, and screw whoever or whatever you want because you are no longer attached to anyone else. I suppose it all comes down to human greed. People want to have a life partner, but they also want to have fun. Maybe that's why I can't grasp the concept of cheating... I would rather nurture my existing relationship and make it work than have one girl that understands me, and another one for intimacy. I guess maybe I just got lucky and got the total package... or maybe my brain works differently. Who knows.
Apparently my logic goes above the heads of many people, and until recently I thought that infidelity was exclusive to youth. Working with older businessmen I found that many of them are quite open about their adulterous ways. It turns out that older people cheat just as much as younger people. I was told by a man that was once caught by his wife and nearly ruined his marriage that "having a mistress is far more trouble than it's worth". The reason it's more trouble than it's worth is that you're giving people a way to blackmail you when you cheat. People know that you're being unfaithful and they can hold that against you to get what they want. It could be a friend of yours, or a friend of one of your partners, or even the person you're cheating with that uses your flub as leverage to get something out of you. In the end you find yourself supporting two or more people financially, emotionally, or both, when you could be dedicating those resources to a single person.
There are several situations that are popular causes for adulterous activity.
-Having a partner leave you to enlist in the military may cause the person left behind to feel abandoned and therefor seek comfort. On the other hand, the miles between the new soldier and their significant other may provide them with a sense of freedom and invincibility. They may think that because they're so far from their partner there's no way that they could be caught cheating.
-Another possibility is that one member of the relationship might be a business person that travels frequently. This opens up the door to have several partners in different, frequently visited cities. If a businessman is visiting the same city once a month for several days at a time they may develop a new relationship in the area so that they don't have to give up on companionship while on the road.
-College is another situation that may lead to cheating. One member of the relationship may not make it into the same school, or they may not even try to get into the same school, but either way it puts distance between the two. Again, this distance creates a security blanket that may make one feel as though they can safely cheat.
-My final example is one that applies to pretty much anyone that's old enough to cheat in the most serious ways. The party scene. Parties are social events that encourage conversation, and when alcohol is involved people's inhibitions go out the window and things can get out of hand very quickly. Parties are not safe places for people that are trying to nurture a long term relationship as they often lead to unnecessary drama that puts a strain on even the strongest of relationships. If you MUST party while committed to a relationship it would be in your best interest to party with your partner present to reduce the chances of a screw up.
These are just a few of the situations that I frequently come across while lurking social media sites. There are many more ways, and reasons that it could happen. No matter what the reasoning behind the act it's still wrong. Often times the cheating leads to reciprocation because the victim feels the need to show the other what it's like. This is no way to go about mending a relationship. If you're going to forgive your partner because you truly think that they can change and never repeat their mistakes then you have to actually forgive them and move on with the relationship. If you can't forgive them for what they've done then don't waste any more of your time on the person. If you think you'll be able to forgive them after some time apart, then so be it, but constantly butting heads over it isn't going to undo what happened.
Keep in mind though, that if someone is willing to cheat on you once then they'll more than likely be willing to do it again, and if they'll cheat on someone else that they "love" with you, then they'll be willing to cheat on you too. Once a person has proven that they have it in them to commit adultery there's no way that you can be sure that they wont do it again. Be confident in yourself, and do what's right for you.
Again, I really don't see the point of cheating. It seems to me that if you no longer want to be in a committed relationship with someone that it's as simple as breaking up with them. Once you're single you're free to hug, kiss, make out with, and screw whoever or whatever you want because you are no longer attached to anyone else. I suppose it all comes down to human greed. People want to have a life partner, but they also want to have fun. Maybe that's why I can't grasp the concept of cheating... I would rather nurture my existing relationship and make it work than have one girl that understands me, and another one for intimacy. I guess maybe I just got lucky and got the total package... or maybe my brain works differently. Who knows.
9/26/11
Honor Thy Bro.
Before we get started I want to make it very clear that my "Bro Code" is not the same as the usual "Bro Code" which mostly just consists of slurring the phrase "Bros before hoes bro" and then falling into a pile of their own putrid vomit. I do not advocate the phrase "bros before hoes" unless the hoe really is a hoe. The way I see it is that your friends should be willing to talk to you about why they think your girl friend is a shitty person if that's the way they feel rather than just repeating the same, lame phrase over and over again.
With that being said, we can move on to my first rule of the bro code. This is a very important rule, so pay attention. HONOR THY BRO. Basically this is just a catchy name for "don't be a dickhead". If you know that your friend's girlfriend is cheating on them it's perfectly acceptable, nay, expected of you, to let your bro know. This person is one of your best friends, they are your BRO, which is short for brother, and as far as I'm concerned family is #1.
There is no excuse for anyone to ever cheat on their significant other, and I've already covered that in a blog, so I wont go into to much detail on that subject. Basically, if you feel the need to cheat on someone you might as well just break up with them rather than keeping them around. You obviously don't care enough about the person to be faithful, so it shouldn't take much to get rid of them.
I realize that it's not always as cut and dry as just telling your friend that his girlfriend is a dirty little slut, because they're often times more likely to believe their supplier of vagina than their friends, but if you know for a fact, and can provide irrefutable proof then you have no reason not to be HONEST with your BRO. Bear in mind that she's going to lie her ass off to keep from looking like a scuzzy little gutter slut, but in the end she's more likely to come clean than to try and hide it once she's been called out. There are two reasons for this. #1 is that whores are people too... I know it's hard to believe, but it's true. Whores have emotions and a conscience, and that means that eventually they will cave in and admit to what they did wrong. Possibility #2 is that they have no soul, and for that reason they don't care if they hurt your feelings, and so they'll be willing to openly admit that they engaged in inappropriate behavior. Now, if a person were to be in perfect balance between being totally soulless, and being a decent human being, they may be able to hide their infidelity for the rest of their lives, but most likely it's going to come out at some time or another. If your bro hears the accusations from multiple bros, with multiple facts to back it up, then he's going to have a tough time just letting it go.
Will this effect your friendship with your bro? Yes, but it should be in a positive way, because your bro should now realize that he can trust you more than ever. If your bro would rather stay with someone that doesn't have the common decency to be honest with them, then they probably wont make a good partner in crime anyways, and you don't need that bro in your life. Besides, a good bro will always come around once he sees the light, and you'll be back to being bros again, you are bros after all.
On the flip side, if your bro tells you that your lady is getting around, it's your job to take it seriously. Chances are your bros don't hate your girlfriend enough to make up blatant lies. Look into it and see what you come up with. Often times you'll be presented with the name of the person that she's cheating on you with, and then it becomes as simple as confronting that person in a civilized manor and asking him if he screwed around with your lady. Generally the guy that she cheated on you with is going to be a total tool (he knew about you and still committed the crime) and will probably have no issue telling you exactly what happened. If he denies it then you can question her about it and see where that goes. You may have to play the waiting game before you find out for sure if your girlfriend is a cheap hooker, but eventually you'll break her down.
Ladies! If you get caught sleeping around, don't waste your time on the guy you were cheating on. You obviously don't care about his feelings, and you're obviously sexy enough to find another guy, so why are you wasting your time with that guy? Some guys love sluts... find them... find a lot of them... get HIV and eventually AIDs and then spread it around to all of them, so that they all die off. Survival of the fittest, or in this case... the least slutty.
I realize that I've said some harsh things above, but what it all comes down to is this: Some people aren't built for committed relationships, and those people have no business in the dating world.
Failure to adhere to bro code may result in banishment from the brotherhood of bros, bro.
With that being said, we can move on to my first rule of the bro code. This is a very important rule, so pay attention. HONOR THY BRO. Basically this is just a catchy name for "don't be a dickhead". If you know that your friend's girlfriend is cheating on them it's perfectly acceptable, nay, expected of you, to let your bro know. This person is one of your best friends, they are your BRO, which is short for brother, and as far as I'm concerned family is #1.
There is no excuse for anyone to ever cheat on their significant other, and I've already covered that in a blog, so I wont go into to much detail on that subject. Basically, if you feel the need to cheat on someone you might as well just break up with them rather than keeping them around. You obviously don't care enough about the person to be faithful, so it shouldn't take much to get rid of them.
I realize that it's not always as cut and dry as just telling your friend that his girlfriend is a dirty little slut, because they're often times more likely to believe their supplier of vagina than their friends, but if you know for a fact, and can provide irrefutable proof then you have no reason not to be HONEST with your BRO. Bear in mind that she's going to lie her ass off to keep from looking like a scuzzy little gutter slut, but in the end she's more likely to come clean than to try and hide it once she's been called out. There are two reasons for this. #1 is that whores are people too... I know it's hard to believe, but it's true. Whores have emotions and a conscience, and that means that eventually they will cave in and admit to what they did wrong. Possibility #2 is that they have no soul, and for that reason they don't care if they hurt your feelings, and so they'll be willing to openly admit that they engaged in inappropriate behavior. Now, if a person were to be in perfect balance between being totally soulless, and being a decent human being, they may be able to hide their infidelity for the rest of their lives, but most likely it's going to come out at some time or another. If your bro hears the accusations from multiple bros, with multiple facts to back it up, then he's going to have a tough time just letting it go.
Will this effect your friendship with your bro? Yes, but it should be in a positive way, because your bro should now realize that he can trust you more than ever. If your bro would rather stay with someone that doesn't have the common decency to be honest with them, then they probably wont make a good partner in crime anyways, and you don't need that bro in your life. Besides, a good bro will always come around once he sees the light, and you'll be back to being bros again, you are bros after all.
On the flip side, if your bro tells you that your lady is getting around, it's your job to take it seriously. Chances are your bros don't hate your girlfriend enough to make up blatant lies. Look into it and see what you come up with. Often times you'll be presented with the name of the person that she's cheating on you with, and then it becomes as simple as confronting that person in a civilized manor and asking him if he screwed around with your lady. Generally the guy that she cheated on you with is going to be a total tool (he knew about you and still committed the crime) and will probably have no issue telling you exactly what happened. If he denies it then you can question her about it and see where that goes. You may have to play the waiting game before you find out for sure if your girlfriend is a cheap hooker, but eventually you'll break her down.
Ladies! If you get caught sleeping around, don't waste your time on the guy you were cheating on. You obviously don't care about his feelings, and you're obviously sexy enough to find another guy, so why are you wasting your time with that guy? Some guys love sluts... find them... find a lot of them... get HIV and eventually AIDs and then spread it around to all of them, so that they all die off. Survival of the fittest, or in this case... the least slutty.
I realize that I've said some harsh things above, but what it all comes down to is this: Some people aren't built for committed relationships, and those people have no business in the dating world.
Failure to adhere to bro code may result in banishment from the brotherhood of bros, bro.
9/25/11
Attention Seeking Behavior.
One of the biggest problems in American school systems right now is bullying, but few people have taken the time to look at how easy it is to spot a bully in the making. All a bully wants is attention. They act out by being mean to other kids because they aren't getting the attention they need at home, and as you've heard a million times before "any attention is good attention". These kids would rather be in trouble constantly than be ignored, and if they weren't acting out that's exactly what they think would happen, because that's how it works at home. It's not always because the parent isn't capable of taking care of the child (although that's often the issue). Sometimes the parents just work to much, or the child only has one parent and that one parent has to work to raise the child, and possibly others so the kids are forced to grow up faster than they should and take care of themselves. Sometimes it's a result of sexual abuse and the victim feels that they need to get the attention of their abuser because they can't handle not feeling the "love" that they once felt from that person. Sexual abuse is something that can seriously mess with a child's mental development and change them in all sorts of negative ways. There are lots of ways that attention seekers can act out besides just being bullies though, and I'd like to address a few of them.
Another way a young person might try to get the attention that they crave is to post revealing pictures of themselves online. Most of us have seen the guys that pose in front of the bathroom mirror with their shirt off flexing their prepubescent muscles trying to look cool for the girls at their school. And I know you've all seen the girls that constantly post pictures of themselves in their bikinis or their underwear. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with a girl taking a picture of herself in her bathing suit, at the pool, or the beach to show it off to all of her friends, but there's no reason for them to post a photo of themselves in a bikini, in a full length mirror with their hair done and their make up on. Can you see where there's a difference? In one scenario the girl is taking a memorable photo as a memento of a good time that she had, and in the other she's seeking attention. Often times girls will also starve themselves until they start getting compliments about how skinny they are and how much prettier they are now that they're at an unhealthy weight. If you compliment a person that's ridiculously underweight on how good they look you're giving them the attention they want, you're enabling them, and you're driving them to continue to starve themselves which can lead to serious health issues.
One more way that people seek attention is to constantly flirt. For one reason or another these people feel better about themselves when they're getting compliments from strangers. Sometimes this isn't an issue, but when the person is supposed to be in a committed relationship it can lead to serious problems, especially considering the fact that the person that's flirting sees nothing wrong with it, but if the other member were to do the same thing it would be an issue. This is because the one that's flirting NEEDS attention, and if the other person is flirting as well then they obviously aren't giving the attention seeker the attention that they crave.
One way that children (especially young children) like to get attention is to cry or whine. No good parent wants to think that their child is suffering so they often jump up from whatever they're doing to make the child happy, and stop the crying. If a baby is hungry it cries, if it's thirsty it cries, if it's bored it cries, if it just feels like crying... it'll probably cry. If a kid wants a toy or some candy, they may cry to get their way, and if you give them their way they're going to think that crying or whining will get the job done next time too. By letting them manipulate you you're opening the door for repeated fits. Your best bet is to defuse the situation some other way and DO NOT give them what they want. Tough love works.
The last situation I want to touch on is one where the attention seeker will create drama for no apparent reason. There's a really easy way to spot these people. If the first thing you hear out of their mouth is "I hate drama" they're an attention seeker. If they didn't love drama their life wouldn't be filled with it and it wouldn't be on their mind at all times. If they weren't thinking about it then it wouldn't have been the first thing that they said or typed. It's very difficult to deal with these people because they're guaranteed to kill a mood and it's hard to be their friend (unless you're an attention seeker as well) because they're constantly whining about how so and so is an asshole because __________ and how they're never going to talk to ________ because they did something they shouldn't have done according to the attention seeker. These same people will often hold on to their exes for far to long because they know that as long as they have someone to hate they can always get that attention that they need to fuel their self esteem.
Do no fear. It IS possible to correct attention seeking behavior. All you've got to do to stop it is to not participate in it. Avoid the person when they're seeking fuel and refuse to give it to them. What they really want is to control the situation, and if you don't allow them to manipulate you then they have no power over you and can't feed off of you. Obviously it's going to be hard to ignore them completely because it's a person that you care about, but if you slowly work towards not giving them the attention they need (which is easier said than done in some situations) then eventually you might correct the problem. There will always be a little bit of bickering in a relationship, but constant drama wears a person down and causes them to gradually care for you less and less until they no longer want to be with you at all. So if you're an attention seeker and you love the person that you're with, it may be in your best interest to recognize that you're the issue in the relationship and correct the behavior.
There's LOTS of literature on the web, and in books regarding this topic and to be honest I could probably write 10 more pages about this myself, but I think it's best that I leave you with this brief overview of the issue and leave the real educating to the professionals. I'm just a dude that happens to be very observant. A guy that's watched a lot of relationships and friendships fail as a result of this kind of behavior.
Another way a young person might try to get the attention that they crave is to post revealing pictures of themselves online. Most of us have seen the guys that pose in front of the bathroom mirror with their shirt off flexing their prepubescent muscles trying to look cool for the girls at their school. And I know you've all seen the girls that constantly post pictures of themselves in their bikinis or their underwear. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with a girl taking a picture of herself in her bathing suit, at the pool, or the beach to show it off to all of her friends, but there's no reason for them to post a photo of themselves in a bikini, in a full length mirror with their hair done and their make up on. Can you see where there's a difference? In one scenario the girl is taking a memorable photo as a memento of a good time that she had, and in the other she's seeking attention. Often times girls will also starve themselves until they start getting compliments about how skinny they are and how much prettier they are now that they're at an unhealthy weight. If you compliment a person that's ridiculously underweight on how good they look you're giving them the attention they want, you're enabling them, and you're driving them to continue to starve themselves which can lead to serious health issues.
One more way that people seek attention is to constantly flirt. For one reason or another these people feel better about themselves when they're getting compliments from strangers. Sometimes this isn't an issue, but when the person is supposed to be in a committed relationship it can lead to serious problems, especially considering the fact that the person that's flirting sees nothing wrong with it, but if the other member were to do the same thing it would be an issue. This is because the one that's flirting NEEDS attention, and if the other person is flirting as well then they obviously aren't giving the attention seeker the attention that they crave.
One way that children (especially young children) like to get attention is to cry or whine. No good parent wants to think that their child is suffering so they often jump up from whatever they're doing to make the child happy, and stop the crying. If a baby is hungry it cries, if it's thirsty it cries, if it's bored it cries, if it just feels like crying... it'll probably cry. If a kid wants a toy or some candy, they may cry to get their way, and if you give them their way they're going to think that crying or whining will get the job done next time too. By letting them manipulate you you're opening the door for repeated fits. Your best bet is to defuse the situation some other way and DO NOT give them what they want. Tough love works.
The last situation I want to touch on is one where the attention seeker will create drama for no apparent reason. There's a really easy way to spot these people. If the first thing you hear out of their mouth is "I hate drama" they're an attention seeker. If they didn't love drama their life wouldn't be filled with it and it wouldn't be on their mind at all times. If they weren't thinking about it then it wouldn't have been the first thing that they said or typed. It's very difficult to deal with these people because they're guaranteed to kill a mood and it's hard to be their friend (unless you're an attention seeker as well) because they're constantly whining about how so and so is an asshole because __________ and how they're never going to talk to ________ because they did something they shouldn't have done according to the attention seeker. These same people will often hold on to their exes for far to long because they know that as long as they have someone to hate they can always get that attention that they need to fuel their self esteem.
Do no fear. It IS possible to correct attention seeking behavior. All you've got to do to stop it is to not participate in it. Avoid the person when they're seeking fuel and refuse to give it to them. What they really want is to control the situation, and if you don't allow them to manipulate you then they have no power over you and can't feed off of you. Obviously it's going to be hard to ignore them completely because it's a person that you care about, but if you slowly work towards not giving them the attention they need (which is easier said than done in some situations) then eventually you might correct the problem. There will always be a little bit of bickering in a relationship, but constant drama wears a person down and causes them to gradually care for you less and less until they no longer want to be with you at all. So if you're an attention seeker and you love the person that you're with, it may be in your best interest to recognize that you're the issue in the relationship and correct the behavior.
There's LOTS of literature on the web, and in books regarding this topic and to be honest I could probably write 10 more pages about this myself, but I think it's best that I leave you with this brief overview of the issue and leave the real educating to the professionals. I'm just a dude that happens to be very observant. A guy that's watched a lot of relationships and friendships fail as a result of this kind of behavior.
9/24/11
You're Just A Hater.
I keep seeing this phrase pop up on Facebook. It seems that if a person has a difference of opinion and they want to express it that they're automatically "hating on" the person that they disagree with. When did people lose sight of the fact that two people can have varying opinions without feeling hatred for one another? If we all thought exactly the same way our world would be a very boring place. We need a certain amount of drama in our lives to keep things interesting. It's the butting of heads that make people with similar views band together in order to pick apart the opposing side's argument and defeat them with logic. Simply disagreeing with a person doesn't make someone a hater. Now, if a person were to make personal attacks on the other person rather than discussing the issue at hand, they may be a hater. Someone that would rather attack the credibility of another rather than discuss the issue at hand in an intelligent manor is a person who obviously has no logical argument to make and they resort to such tactics as a last ditch effort. Their aim is to derail the conversation and draw attention away from the issue so that they don't have to admit defeat. Does one personal attack mean that a person is a hater? Most likely it does not, but if it's a repeated occurrence and the tactic is utilized on multiple victims then there's a very good chance that the attacker is simply incapable of arguing their point effectively. Perhaps they know nothing about what they're trying to argue about, or they're trying to save face, but it all comes down to the fact that they know they're in the wrong and they feel the need to try and discredit the person that they're arguing with. Often times if the hater doesn't have any dirt on their victim, or the victim refuses to acknowledge the attack, the hater will attack someone close to the victim instead. This is an attempt to hit a nerve that they can manipulate to get their victim to try and defend the accusations, thus taking the conversation in a different direction and avoiding the issue at hand. My point is this: there are REAL haters out there, and this is just one example of that kind of person. Stop referring to everyone that disagrees with you as a hater or you're going to diminish the meaning of the word even more, until eventually it's meaningless.
9/23/11
Finding Prince Charming.
Like many of my blogs this one comes from observation of the people around me. In this case it's the people I come in contact with on Facebook. I constantly see women complaining about how they can't find their Prince Charming, and while it's not always the case, I often find that these women are no princesses themselves. Often times they have long histories of being "heart breakers" or "man eaters" and they still think they're entitled to some special treatment. The same goes for the opposite side of the spectrum as well, but I tend to notice the females posting their relationship woes online more often than the males so they'll be the ones that I address. Just keep in mind that it goes both ways while reading this.
Women. If you want to party and be promiscuous, that's fine. It's part of being a young person and very few people have the self control to fight the peer pressure and stay away from that lifestyle. Just bear in mind that you aren't going to find your dream guy while you're participating in such debauchery. Chances are you're going to run into lots of douche bags that only "want you for one thing". That's to be expected when you're portraying yourself as a party girl. Don't expect to find Mr. Right in a room full of horny drunks. What you're more likely to find is that the guys have no respect for you because you have no respect for yourself. If you want to find your Prince Charming you're going to have to look somewhere where being charming wouldn't be out of place. It's up to you to figure out how that applies to you. For some of you that might mean that you look at work or school, and for others it might mean the library or grocery store.
Maybe you aren't the party girl type and you still can't find the right guy. Maybe it's because you've scared them all off by dating so many guys and getting rid of them after a short period of time. Guys have emotions too, and if they know you're going to dump them in a couple of weeks why would they want to waste their time or take the hit to their self esteem? It's easier for them to just avoid being with you so that they don't have to deal with the extra drama. It's okay to be single sometimes. You don't have to keep guys lined up. In fact you're better off NOT having your next partner in mind while you're with someone else. That just leads to wandering eyes and then the inevitable heartbreak.
I truly believe that there is someone out there for everyone. No matter how fat, ugly, mean, or slutty you are, there's someone out there that will love you for you, but that doesn't mean they're a Prince. If you want a Prince you might just have to stop being a bitch and be someone worth holding in high regard and treated like a Princess. Stop complaining about how many toads you've had to kiss in search of your Prince and take into consideration that YOU might be the toad.
TLDR: Quit being a bitch and guys might actually like you.
Women. If you want to party and be promiscuous, that's fine. It's part of being a young person and very few people have the self control to fight the peer pressure and stay away from that lifestyle. Just bear in mind that you aren't going to find your dream guy while you're participating in such debauchery. Chances are you're going to run into lots of douche bags that only "want you for one thing". That's to be expected when you're portraying yourself as a party girl. Don't expect to find Mr. Right in a room full of horny drunks. What you're more likely to find is that the guys have no respect for you because you have no respect for yourself. If you want to find your Prince Charming you're going to have to look somewhere where being charming wouldn't be out of place. It's up to you to figure out how that applies to you. For some of you that might mean that you look at work or school, and for others it might mean the library or grocery store.
Maybe you aren't the party girl type and you still can't find the right guy. Maybe it's because you've scared them all off by dating so many guys and getting rid of them after a short period of time. Guys have emotions too, and if they know you're going to dump them in a couple of weeks why would they want to waste their time or take the hit to their self esteem? It's easier for them to just avoid being with you so that they don't have to deal with the extra drama. It's okay to be single sometimes. You don't have to keep guys lined up. In fact you're better off NOT having your next partner in mind while you're with someone else. That just leads to wandering eyes and then the inevitable heartbreak.
I truly believe that there is someone out there for everyone. No matter how fat, ugly, mean, or slutty you are, there's someone out there that will love you for you, but that doesn't mean they're a Prince. If you want a Prince you might just have to stop being a bitch and be someone worth holding in high regard and treated like a Princess. Stop complaining about how many toads you've had to kiss in search of your Prince and take into consideration that YOU might be the toad.
TLDR: Quit being a bitch and guys might actually like you.
Choosing The Right Skate Deck For You.
If you skate, or you know anyone that skates, you know that skateboard decks are the most commonly replaced portion of any skater's set up. Because they break so frequently it's very important that you know what you like in a deck so that you don't end up riding a board that doesn't feel right to you. Choosing the right board can make tricks feel better, riding easier, or even make the likelihood of landing a trick higher, so it's imperative that you figure out what you need out of a deck so that you can get the most out of each one. When a rider is comfortable with their setup they're more likely to progress because they spend less time trying to figure the board out and more time actually skating. When a board feels just right things just seem to fall into place.
The first thing that you're going to want to look at is size and shape. Most companies make shorter, skinnier decks for smaller riders. These decks are often referred to as "Mini" decks. Chances are if you're in your teen years you're ready for a larger board, but there are obvious exceptions. The major dimension that you're going to want to focus on is the width. Generally speaking the wider the board is, the longer it will be. A wider board is going to be harder to flip but will be more durable and easier to land on simply because there's more wood there. A thinner board will flip easier but is more likely to break. Lighter riders that are just starting out may want to ride a more narrow board just because it's easier to learn tricks when it isn't so difficult to flip the board.
While the size of the board is very important, it isn't the only deciding factor when selecting a deck. You must also look at the shape and decide if you're looking for a board with more or less concave, or if you want a steeper or shallower nose and tail. On top of that you've got to figure out if you want a more pointed nose or one that's more squared off. It's all a lot to absorb but if you're shopping at a core skate shop like you should be then it shouldn't be a big deal to stand on the board before you buy it. As long as you aren't trying to pop tricks on the board before you buy it the shop will usually let you stand on it and get a feel for the board. That's just one advantage of buying from a skate shop that's owned and operated by real skaters as opposed to mail ordering them or going to a corporate skate shop.
In recent years many companies have come out with specialty decks suck as the Almost Uberlight, Impact, and Double Impact, Darkstar Armorlight, and Zero, Flip, Creature, and Plan B's P2 decks. Some people prefer all wood decks, and that's perfectly fine. If you're going to buy a deck that's more than just wood, make sure you know what the deck is designed to do before you buy it. It's not fair of the consumer to buy a deck for $10 more than the price of a normal deck and then complain that it broke when the technology involved in it is supposed to make it lighter and not stronger. This is another area where shopping at a core skate shop can be helpful. Just ask someone about the boards and they can tell you exactly what they do because they've personally talked to the sales reps as well as dozens of other skaters that have come in to talk about the boards. If you try that in a mall shop they're likely to just read the packaging and promise you that it works exactly as the package says it does.
Board quality is very important as well. Some companies use cheap wood, or cheap glue, and their deck's quality suffers as a result. Your local skate shop will probably have their preferences as far as what they think is the best, but if you get a few boards from the same company and you feel like they're breaking way to easily it may be time to try a new company.
Griptape. Some of it has more grip, which may wear your shoes out faster, and some of it doesn't have very good grip at all. Some grip sticks to the board better and is less likely to peal up while you're skating. Some of it has perforations to prevent unsightly air bubbles. It really comes down to personal preference just like anything else, but if you ask to feel the griptape so you can get an idea as to how it's going to work out for you there shouldn't be an issue. If the shop has an issue with you touching something before you buy it then there's a problem and you should find a new shop immediately.
Finally there's the graphic, and a lot of skaters will say that the graphic doesn't matter at all because it's just going to get scraped off on your first boardslide, and technically they're right, but having a good graphic does have its advantages. Sure, that sweet graphic is going to be gone in a few days, but the colors are still going to be there right? Do you want to skate a board that you aren't hyped on because the colors are completely lame? Some people don't care... others do. My advice is to not worry to much about it, but if you find two boards that are similar as far as the size, shape, weight, material quality, and technology go, you should probably pick the one that you would be more stoked to skate. Sometimes having a cool looking board sitting in the corner begging to be skated is enough motivation to make you stop watching TV, pick up your board, and go enjoy a good solo session. A bad graphic isn't the end of the world by any means, but it is something to look into.
The first thing that you're going to want to look at is size and shape. Most companies make shorter, skinnier decks for smaller riders. These decks are often referred to as "Mini" decks. Chances are if you're in your teen years you're ready for a larger board, but there are obvious exceptions. The major dimension that you're going to want to focus on is the width. Generally speaking the wider the board is, the longer it will be. A wider board is going to be harder to flip but will be more durable and easier to land on simply because there's more wood there. A thinner board will flip easier but is more likely to break. Lighter riders that are just starting out may want to ride a more narrow board just because it's easier to learn tricks when it isn't so difficult to flip the board.
While the size of the board is very important, it isn't the only deciding factor when selecting a deck. You must also look at the shape and decide if you're looking for a board with more or less concave, or if you want a steeper or shallower nose and tail. On top of that you've got to figure out if you want a more pointed nose or one that's more squared off. It's all a lot to absorb but if you're shopping at a core skate shop like you should be then it shouldn't be a big deal to stand on the board before you buy it. As long as you aren't trying to pop tricks on the board before you buy it the shop will usually let you stand on it and get a feel for the board. That's just one advantage of buying from a skate shop that's owned and operated by real skaters as opposed to mail ordering them or going to a corporate skate shop.
In recent years many companies have come out with specialty decks suck as the Almost Uberlight, Impact, and Double Impact, Darkstar Armorlight, and Zero, Flip, Creature, and Plan B's P2 decks. Some people prefer all wood decks, and that's perfectly fine. If you're going to buy a deck that's more than just wood, make sure you know what the deck is designed to do before you buy it. It's not fair of the consumer to buy a deck for $10 more than the price of a normal deck and then complain that it broke when the technology involved in it is supposed to make it lighter and not stronger. This is another area where shopping at a core skate shop can be helpful. Just ask someone about the boards and they can tell you exactly what they do because they've personally talked to the sales reps as well as dozens of other skaters that have come in to talk about the boards. If you try that in a mall shop they're likely to just read the packaging and promise you that it works exactly as the package says it does.
Board quality is very important as well. Some companies use cheap wood, or cheap glue, and their deck's quality suffers as a result. Your local skate shop will probably have their preferences as far as what they think is the best, but if you get a few boards from the same company and you feel like they're breaking way to easily it may be time to try a new company.
Griptape. Some of it has more grip, which may wear your shoes out faster, and some of it doesn't have very good grip at all. Some grip sticks to the board better and is less likely to peal up while you're skating. Some of it has perforations to prevent unsightly air bubbles. It really comes down to personal preference just like anything else, but if you ask to feel the griptape so you can get an idea as to how it's going to work out for you there shouldn't be an issue. If the shop has an issue with you touching something before you buy it then there's a problem and you should find a new shop immediately.
Finally there's the graphic, and a lot of skaters will say that the graphic doesn't matter at all because it's just going to get scraped off on your first boardslide, and technically they're right, but having a good graphic does have its advantages. Sure, that sweet graphic is going to be gone in a few days, but the colors are still going to be there right? Do you want to skate a board that you aren't hyped on because the colors are completely lame? Some people don't care... others do. My advice is to not worry to much about it, but if you find two boards that are similar as far as the size, shape, weight, material quality, and technology go, you should probably pick the one that you would be more stoked to skate. Sometimes having a cool looking board sitting in the corner begging to be skated is enough motivation to make you stop watching TV, pick up your board, and go enjoy a good solo session. A bad graphic isn't the end of the world by any means, but it is something to look into.
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